February 2010
I had been discharged from the hospital on new medication, but I hadn't fully recovered. I experienced heightened levels of anxiety that I now know are due to my attacker. I was very worried about my classes because I had taken chemistry and some other difficult subjects. It was only a couple of weeks after I had been discharged and I was still acting like it was difficult to stay focused; as if I was beginning to go into another trance state. There happened to be a counselor at my college that was also a certified energy healer that worked with spirit guides. I often visited her office to receive comfort. She never doubted my story, but often stressed my need to ground and learn discernment. She was unable to see the energy I complained about as my psychic attacker until some time after my final hospitalization. I think the reason for this is that ultimately God and Jesus intervened and straightened out (so to speak) my energy field by protecting me from the climax of the attack...but I will get to that in another post.
I don't remember exactly how it started. It was evening in this time period that I sat and meditated, hoping to find relief. It was after one of my visits to my counselor. As I was meditating I became aware of my heart chakra, the chest area. My counselor often told me to learn to listen to my heart and this is the area she was speaking of (different from the Qalb). Often in meditation emotions of suppressed pain and sadness surface and people often start crying. My chest became overwhelmed with sadness and I began crying, but this time I became aware of another consciousness entering my body. I realized that I was feeling the pain of another entity. I absorbed the feeling and observed it, in buddhist tradition. I began to recognize the emotions and the personality of the entity. It was my recently deceased aunt (passed in November 2010). She was suffering because she had not wanted to die yet and she did not want to leave me.
The blizzard is a blur for me, and I will do my best to update posts as my memory resurfaces. The order is difficult for me but I can tell you that I became aware of a very large amount of spirits now surrounding me. They are as follows: My aunt Norma, my uncle Kenneth, my Great Great Grandfather from my Asian side, an entity called Norman that later became revealed to me as a furry creature, my cousin Dolly, my Grandfather from my Dad's side as well as my Grandmother, and a large group of the small furry creatures which I learned were sent by God. My relatives informed me of a few spirits around that were not family, one was a perverted spirit that kept wanting to have sex with me.
Prior to this experience I had finished reading a book called Mae Chee Kew by Bhikku Silaratano. It is available for free: http://www.forestdhammabooks.com/. I had visited my Buddhist teacher a few months earlier at a strictly Thai monastary in Virginia, after one of my hauntings. I told him I had become aware of spirits and he had told me that spirits cannot hurt me. He simply did not know. I was very sensitive and believe that at this point I was being guided by Buddha, as I often prayed to Buddha for guidance. I heard something prompt me gently to ask the monks if it is posible to hear Buddha's voice on the wind, in the trees. I did this and the monk replied "Ahhhh". He told me that he wanted to give me something. We went inside. A group of monks gathered and presented me with this book, which describes the interactions of Buddhist nun Mae Chee Kew with the spirit world. It describes how she began to teach spirits the dharma and urge them to do good, even as a spirit, to change their karma and not be reincarnated. I had become obsessed with ending my karma. Spirits came to her for comfort and guidance. Some were animal spirits. There were pictures of flowers scattered throughout the book. One was and apple blossom. I live in the Shenandoah Valley, where the famous Apple Blossom Festival takes place. The writer of the book was from Winchester, my hometown, but had moved to Thailand and become a Buddhist monk. He carries a prominent local name. One of the flowers was a blossoming lotus in a remarkably similar poise and angle as a piece of art I had done years earlier. It would be negligent not to understand that I was meant to read this book before my blizzard awakening. So, when my aunt came to me in meditation I was not terrified, and as the spirits began to reveal themselves, I began to attempt to teach them the dharma.
One spirit couldn't remember her name. I began to call her Miss Anonymous. I locked myself in my room to have my experience away from my family. I began to clean a little and converse with Miss Anonymous. I was sitting on my floor when we realized together that she was in my body. We lifted my arm and looked at it and she said "I am in your body". An entity identified herself as Mae Chee Kew and proceeded to explain that it was not good karma to take another person's body. I believe Miss Anonymous did not want to talk to Mae Chee Kew so she began to ask me questions. She wanted to know what Buddhism was. She wanted to know why I believed in God even though I was Buddhist. I am not sure if the entity I felt was indeed Mae Chee Kew but it did feel like a more educated Buddhist. It was helping me to understand that I was a student of Buddhism and not a teacher and that I did not have all the answers for these spirits. It was helping me to answer her questions sensitively. I began to send them to the Buddhist spirit because Buddhist are not supposed to lie.
I felt great compassion for these spirits but was sure that most of them had not yet been to God. I kept trying to send them to God. Many were afraid of punishment. I could not guarantee that he would not punish them but I was sure that they needed to go to him. My uncle Kenneth did not say much but I became aware that he was trying to help me get my aunt Norma and the other relatives to go to God and provide me with relief. My grandfather wanted me to try and give my father a message. I was still new at discernment and was afraid of getting information that I did not know personally incorrect. My grandfather made a couple of attempts to get into the conversation and catch my father's attention. I told him I was very sorry because my family did not really believe I was getting messages from our relatives. He tried a couple more times. Upon his request I told my father that his father loved him. My father began to talk about how much he loved his father and missed him. I began to see that my father's attachment had been one of the reasons my grandfather had not yet been to God, as he had been dead for many years.
I went to see my mother in the living room at some point. My great great grandfather, her grandfather, wanted me to tell her that she needed to see a doctor. She has been a long time smoker and suffers joint pains. He told me to tell her she was getting sick and that he wanted to talk to her. I believe I prayed with my mother and then I told her that her grandfather wanted to say something to her. I delivered his message about her health and that he loved her very much. He felt very stern, authoritative, and composed, which is a very Asian quality in past generations, but also gentle. He did not force communication as I also sensed a wisdom from him, that perhaps he understood the difficulties of this process. He told me that I had to be nicer to my mother.
Much of what I am reporting is how I understood it at the time. I was not really able to have a clear understanding of who I was talking to unless I was very familiar with that relative or entity. It wouldn't be until God began to talk to me more regularly that I would have the assurance of the intention of the entities.
Miss Anonymous was very innocent. Somehow I convinced her to go to God. She had told me that she was afraid to go by herself so I encouraged her to run past everything and that she could do it. This happened after much theological discussion on Buddhism and God. Shortly after this I believe, my uncle and my grandfather began to instruct me to cover my stomach, which I now know is the area of a chakra from which I had been emitting light which attracted the spirits. I have a friend who can see auras and verified a white light coming from it when he had seen me months earlier, saying that this was unusual.
I sat on my bed in a comfortable position and they told me to sit there with my stomach covered. I felt a large number of spirits that were not family. My uncle began to tell everyone to go to the bright light. God was the brightest light is what I came to understand. They were getting distracted by my light, like a light house. Something told me to sit there until my mother came in to check on me. I can't remember if this was my uncle or God. I had put a lamp with a burnt out light bulb in my father's recreation room, adjacent to mine. My father came and saw the lamp. He said something about it and then at the same time, my grandfather's spirit and I said "The bulb's out in that one." I smiled and my grandfather said, "huh, you got it". It was a joke, because I had my stomach covered, he was telling the other spirit's my bulb was out. It was a sign for me.
As I sat there, I felt a mad rush of energy move past me. Things began to get quieter. It felt like a swarm of spirits. I heard my uncle directing them toward the bright Light. They encouraged me to just sit there, and have faith. My uncle was the last to go, he wanted to make sure he got as many stragglers as possible, is what I was told. I didn't sit for very long when my mother came into the room to check in on me. There was a sense of peace after days of confusion and conversation with entities.
At some point, I realized Miss Anonymous was with me again. I was worried she had not gone to God, but she told me that God had sent her back to me. She was still unsure about staying with me. My life has been a tumultuous journey with the hospitalizations and my family at that time encouraged me by pressuring me to heal myself, and telling me that I had to be stronger and take my medication. I was often yelled at in response to my episodes because of their frustration. It has not been easy to live with them again. She kept saying things like, why would I want to be you? Your life is awful. I am afraid of your mother.
I didn't know why she was around, but if she had been sent back by God, I believed there was a reason for it. So I began to clean my room a little. As I did this she began to get to know me. We often expressed similar appreciation for things that were cute or aesthetically pleasing (I'm an artist). As I worked on straightening my books I opened a Japanese workbook. Inside was a smaller pamphlet that had the answers in it. At the exact same time we responded "That is sooo cute." And then "We are the same person." This is what I have come to understand as spontaneous soul retrieval. But it would not complete until weeks later.
The Shaman I had been working with had informed me once that I had had a little girl that would not let go of my soul. This little girl had grown, and was at this time the woman Miss Anonymous. When I saw the Shaman again after the blizzard, I told her about my experience and she told me that it was spontaneous soul retrieval, and that the feeling of a different personality would fade away. I had serious concerns that I was experiencing the early symptoms of Mutliple Personality Disorder and she assured me this was not the case. In fact, I felt much better several days after this, and Miss Anonymous didn't come up again as a separate entity after that. After the blizzard, I returned to school once again thinking that everything was going to be alright. I still had bouts of anxiety that I now know are due to my attacker, but I thought those too would begin to fade.
