Summer 2009
After I left my husband I began attending the local women's shelter for group support. I did this from the time I returned home in March up until the summer. I became interested in finding a group of people to meditate with and I found a local metaphysical bookstore.
I attended two reiki shares, out of curiosity and during the second one I met a man that scared me so much I never went back to the store. He introduced himself and told me that he was psychic. I sensed a tremendous amount of anger and wanted to leave. He said that he was a psychic surgeon and that he was only doing a "little bit" to me because he didn't want to overwhelm me. He mentioned something about having saved people from committing suicide. I was unable to pull myself away from him and I couldn't tell why. I cut off all of my ties to the people I knew there and avoided the place altogether. I worked out all summer and enrolled in community college.
I can't remember exactly how it happened but I experienced another segment where voices began to speak to me and tell me what to do. I remember being punished and taught how to pray and told that I was unworthy of God's love and to sit and pray until morning. I was prompted to pray and told that I was going to go to hell. I was called lazy and told that I needed to learn reverence. I was punished and made to confess for various sins and ask for forgiveness. I was told not to interrupt God or his angels while they were speaking even with my thoughts and I was taunted for never learning how to quiet my mind like a Buddhist. I was told to pray and not move even if my mother came in to get me. I was told to act catatonic and not move. I did these things and my parents called an ambulance to come get me in my home. I was told to keep my eyes closed and not to open them no matter what. My body was rigid. I didn't know at this time what was happening to me but I was aware of other consciousness's. I also showed signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which added to my discernment problem, as it caused my mind to spin off into delusions when abusive triggers were hit by the invasive voices. I was fine at the end of a week and returned home, again shaken by my experience.
Around September, I became aware of something attacking me. I attended a nature retreat for abused women and as I meditated and did body scanning before I went to sleep I realized that the right side of my body was extremely tense and felt uneven. I didn't know who to turn to for help. I was sure now that I was dealing with something more than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that resonated on a spiritual realm. I began to feel isolated and scared.
During one of the nature hikes, the entity, which I now know to be the person that I met at the bookstore whom scared me, began talking to me. He was making fun of me as I did the gentle nature oriented exercises. He pretended to agree with me once in awhile. At the time, I vascillated between whether or not this was a ghost or a person, but today I am sure it is the same person as further events occurred to clarify this for me. I had an intense weight and gripping feeling all along my right arm, as if someone was trying to pull it off of my body. I walked around like this for a week after the retreat with no further conversation with the attacker.
I had done graphic design work recently and a launch party was held the week after my retreat. I prayed to God for help. A woman approached me and informed me that she was a Phd, in theology and a certified reiki healer. She asked me if I knew there was a spirit attached to my right arm. I let her continue, to make sure she could really see what I was dealing with. She described the weight I was feeling perfectly. She told me that it would melt away but I knew this was not as easy as that, and so in the next day or two I called an old friend and asked him where I could go for metaphysical help in our community that was safe. He gave me the name of a local shop and I drove there immediately. I walked up to the front door extremely stressed and I began crying. I told them what had happened and that I didn't know how to deal with it. I was still unsure if I was dealing with only a person or only a ghost or both. The women began to comfort me and gave me sage, Hecate, a buddha candle and some bath salts to weaken the spiritual energies that were hurting me. All of this provided relief, but did not entirely rid me of my problem. (FYI: Hecate is an herbal blend designed to invoke the greek Goddess for help. I do NOT recommend invoking anything in this way unless you are certain this is the type of entity you want help from. I learned later that my best interests lie in calling upon a list of ascendant masters and arch angels whom could introduce me further to other able guides more appropriate for me.)
About two days later, I went back to the store and another woman from the launch party was standing in front of me. I learned then that she was a Shaman. She touched my forehead and told me that I was dealing with something that was like an angry little boy. She told me to come in on the following day and that she could get rid of it. I returned to the shop and she proceeded to do Shamanic work on me in a sacred circle. I immediately felt better. I returned to school and managed to make a 4.0 for the semester. I was again temporarily relieved of my problem.
